he wants to bone in the snuggie
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
