Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.