Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
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I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.