So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
is that a dick in a sweater?