He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?