where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
