Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
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I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science