How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house