Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.