So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.