Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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