It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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