I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.