Pappa wants mamma naked
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
