you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
