i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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