Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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