do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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