I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
