grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
