Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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