When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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