I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
