oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
