Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Welp...herpes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
