I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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