I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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