we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
