Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
