I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
