I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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