did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
