i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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