I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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