my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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