is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
