guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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