Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
