found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
