new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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