saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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