I want to have your abortion
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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