So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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