the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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