there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
