drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
