he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
