Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
pop tarts are not kleenex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
