i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
