Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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