hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
