First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
as a side note pls kill me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize