Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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