I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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