Heybabeimwearingurpanties
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
