So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
