i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize