i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
