It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Farmville is her only friend.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
