STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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