You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
