Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
