2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The air was thick with penises
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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