i permit you to call me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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