at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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