she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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