somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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