They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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