hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
