Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
smell my finger.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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