If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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