im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
