Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
