from now on my penis is your penis
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
