If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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