woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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