i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
