I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
