Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
