like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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