I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
