Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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