when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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