Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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