You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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