yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
