At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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