if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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